Penelope Gets a Life

Will I Know It When I See It?

2012-01-21T11:10:00.000-08:00

Even though I've already started cultivating a life worth living, I think it's a good idea to take a step back and try to define what it is I want. I actually started writing this piece weeks ago and, I'll admit, it's been challenging. In fact, I think I needed to have a lived experience of "getting a life" before I could figure out what it might look like.

So what makes life worth living? It's a very personal question, but I think there are some universals. I don't think a life worth living should be confused with ideal or perfect. Everyone of us has an image of what the "perfect" life would be like. For instance, after I find buried treasure or win Super Lotto, I will spend my time going from one luxury hotel to another, traveling the world, visiting museums, attending theatre, taking classes just for fun, reading, having fine meals and exquisite wine. Occasionally I'll invite people I like to join me. And, of course, I'd give some of the money to charity because that's the right thing to say. And because it would be so much easier than fundraising, which I do now. That would be the perfect life for me, but until I find that treasure, I'm stuck with not quite so perfect, but hopefully still worthwhile. The fantasy is helpful though because the things I'd do if I had all that cash are a pretty good indicator of what I value in life and what makes life worth living for me.

A life worth living will hit upon the really important things. We need not reach the lofty heights of our wildest dreams to find fulfillment. Though I have had some pretty wild dreams featuring David Tennant which I'm certain would bring me fulfillment...ah, but I digress. We don't need to get everything we want, but I think we all have certain things, certain "must haves" that make life more than just getting by--that make the difference between truly living and merely existing.

So what do I need to live rather than exist? The first "must have" is travel. Travel is absolutely necessary for me to be happy. Through travel I have experienced true joy. There is nothing quite like the feeling of walking through a new city--all of your senses awakened by the novelty, while the familiar, the history, springs to life before your eyes. There is something powerful about standing in the room where Shakespeare was born or drinking where Hemingway drank. I have always placed a high priority on travel, even when I couldn't really afford it. No matter how broke I was, or how long it took to pay off the credit card bill, I never regretted a trip. This is one thing I've done with friends, with boyfriends and by myself. While it is certainly fun to have travel companions, I will never not take a trip because I have no one to go with me. There are simply far too many places I long to experience to waste time waiting for someone else.

Wine is another important part of my life. I know no matter how long I live, I will never have time to learn as much as I'd like about wine or taste all of the wines I want to taste. The wines of Italy alone could take up an entire lifetime, and I'd still be just scratching the surface. Obviously, I need to devote time to studying and tasting as often as possible...which, quite frankly, is a burden I'm willing to live with.

Like good wine, good food is an important part of a well-lived life. Dining out is great treat, but I also love to cook and bake. Although I often prepare a fine meal just for myself, a major part of the joy of cooking is being able to share it with others. The combination of a delicious meal, a nice bottle of wine and good company is hard to beat. I truly enjoy cooking for others and entertaining in my home. This is definitely a component of having a life.

Of course, cooking for "others" implies "others" are also necessary for having a life. I know this seems contradictory since anyone who knows me knows I hate people. I obviously don't actually hate all people. People in general bother me, but people also make my life worthwhile. I had the great good fortune of having two amazing parents. Losing them has been nearly unbearable and has, at times, made life feel like it's really not worth living at all. Losing our parents is a fact of life though--something we all face eventually. I know I was lucky to have the parents I had for as long as I did. I'm also lucky to have a fairly functional family overall. I actually like my family (which is rare, I know), but we live in different states and all have busy lives so we don't see each other as much as we'd like.

This brings us to friends. The urban family--a modern concept that has become even more important as we become an increasingly transient society. Over the years I've had some truly amazing friends (and a few who turned out to be quite psycho, actually) and I'm lucky to have so many people in my life right now I consider friends--a word I don't use lightly. These people are there for the ups and downs of life. They make the bad times a little better and the good times that much sweeter. Life would be bleak indeed without them.

While I think friendships are necessary, I am currently of a mind that romantic relationships are not. Of course I'm not in a romantic relationship at the moment, so I would say that, wouldn't I? Don't get me wrong, having a romantic partner can be great. I can appreciate most of the relationships I've had even though they didn't work out--except for the time I dated the anti-Christ, of course. Time and distance have yet to make me appreciate that one. The others may not have been Mr. Right, but they were right enough at the time and we, as they say, had some good times--great times even. This brings up the tricky bit about relationships of all kinds. It's not just about having people in your life, it's also about knowing when to let go. Good relationships can make our lives worth living, but bad relationships can make our lives a living hell. There is wisdom in knowing the difference.

I've spent quite a bit of time in the past few years cultivating relationships, meeting new people and trying to push myself socially. My shyness and the whole hating people thing make it a bit of challenge for me, but I think I'm doing pretty well, actually. Spending time with people I care about who care about me--drinking together, eating together, laughing together, crying together, just being together--is something that makes a life worth living to me.

The final key to a life worth living for me is a rather broad category I'm going to call education, for lack of a better word. I include in this category not just formal classroom learning, but also the experience of visiting a museum or listening to music. Education has always been important to me. As a kid, I liked school and I've always been a reader. I have a lot of curiosity and a love of history and the arts. I get bored when I'm not challenged so I tend to seek out opportunities to learn. Of course at my age, my main motivations for continued intellectual stimulation are staving off Alzheimer's and keeping pace with loss of brain cells resulting from already mentioned wine obsession. I read at least a bit each day (Brit chic lit more than I should admit, but also proper literature, wine books, psychology books, history books, cooking magazines and travel magazines) and seem to be continually taking classes of one sort or another. I also believe attending lectures, concerts, plays and visiting museums are important educational activities. They improve us in ways classroom learning cannot. They increase our understanding of and appreciation for our own humanity. They are both inspirational and humbling. They move us both intellectually and emotionally. I have stood in the Musee de l'Orangerie and wept at the beauty of the Water Lilies. And I believe my life is richer for having had that experience. Having a life for me means staying engaged in my own growth and education.

So, I think I've a pretty good idea of what having a life looks like for me. I will travel as often as I possibly can, eat and drink as well as I possibly can, entertain at home regularly, read, attend a variety of cultural events and share as much of this life with people I care about as I can. Right. So, about that buried treasure...

I've Been Busy

2011-11-29T14:19:00.000-08:00

As shocking as this may sound, I haven't been posting much lately because I've been busy having a life! I know, WTF, right? Believe me, I am still reeling from the shock myself.

In the past few months I have launched a wine club which has already met three times, traveled to Oregon and Santa Barbara to go wine tasting, cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner for a few close friends, attended a performance of A Comedy of Errors, a chamber music performance and a charity luncheon with Smallville star, Allison Mack. In between, I've had lunches, dinners and happy hours with friends and realized that $3 beers can make life worth living even on really bad days.

The other day it occurred to me that I'm doing things I always imagined I'd do someday when "real life" started. I guess that means it has! I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I've made progress.

As a way of figuring out what I want more of in my life to make it a life worth living, I've been compiling a list of things that make me happy. Here's what I've come up with so far:

$3 Beers
Really good friends (to drink $3 beers with you, of course)
Travel--I've been to England, France, Santa Barbara and Portland (twice) this year!
Small Batch Bourbon
David Tennant
The tv shows Castle, Psych, Bitchin' Kitchen & Justified
Did I mention $3 Beers?
Shakespeare
Wine Club
Carbonara
The happy hour wings at SmithHouse Tap & Grill
Football

I mentioned the $3 beers, right?
Cheers!
Penelope (Getting a life!)

What Price Hapiness?

2011-10-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while since you've heard from me. It isn't that I've forgotten about my quest to get a life, it's that I've been a bit stuck on the problem of trying to define exactly what that is. I'm working on a post, but to be honest, I'm struggling with how to quantify "getting a life." I need to be able to define it so I'll know if it happens, right? Meanwhile, I've come up against something else lately and I feel compelled to post.
I was recently engaged in a conversation about the idea of disappearing, of packing up and moving, of picking up and starting over. Although everyone agreed that even in a new zip code you are still you and any problems or baggage you may have will be there to, I can't help being oddly drawn to the idea of running. And it isn't as much running from (my job, my life--or lack thereof), but a desire to run to. It has occurred to me several times recently that I would be really happy working in a winery tasting room. I know this is a very low wage job. I know that it would mean not being able to pay my student loans and living in the tiniest of apartments. Realistically, I know I would be broker than broke and that's never been something I could be okay with. On the other hand, to spend my work life doing something I'm really passionate about? It seems like heaven. I know this isn't realistic. I know I don't have the guts to do something this drastic, and yet...I can't quite get it out of my head. Is working a job I loathe, that is killing me day by day so I can afford to pay my student loans and take a vacation once a year worth it? Could I be happy being broke, but spending my days doing something I love? I have always argued that money really can buy happiness because it allows us to buy, not objects, but experiences. Now I'm wondering if sacrificing money and security for something you truly love can bring happiness as well. Given that I'm not happy with the way things are going for me, what do I really have to lose if I decide to cut and run? Stability. Security. But maybe my fear of losing my security is keeping me from doing things that would give me true joy. I don't have the answers, but I would love to hear what other people think. Would you sacrifice security for a shot at happiness?

Cheers!
Penelope

All By Myself

2011-08-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight I followed through on my plan to take myself out to dinner. Just me. Alone. At a proper restaurant. I chose AOC because it is near my house and because they have a great wine by the glass program. I picked well. I have to admit I cheated a little bit because they asked if I'd rather have a table or sit and the bar and I chose the bar, which is decidedly easier for dining solo. I started off with a triple cream goat cheese and and a crisp Italian white wine. I followed with a blue cheese and heirloom tomato salad. My next course was one of the best things I have ever had. A cassoulet with duck confit, caramelized red onions and pork belly. It was amazing. I had a Nebbiolo which paired very nicely. For dessert, I chose the butterscotch pot de creme and a tawny port. It was a lovely meal and I enjoyed every bit of it. One thing about dining on your own is that you pay more attention to the food and wine, which is actually quite a good thing. Although I admit I was a little uncomfortable in the beginning, I eventually relaxed and enjoyed a splendid meal. It actually felt very decadent to be treating myself and I consider the evening an unqualified success!

Given the choice, of course I'd prefer to be dining out with friends. Realistically, that's not always possible and I don't want to live a life where I'm dependent upon other people for pleasure and happiness. I learned long ago that it was okay to cook elaborate meals at home just for myself. Now I know it is also okay to dine out by myself. The important lesson here is that we can't limit ourselves. Circumstances may not be ideal, but that doesn't mean we can't still do the things that make us happy in some small way. Now that I've tried it, I will definitely be going to dinner on my own again. What about you? Is there anything you've been putting off doing because you didn't have anyone to do it with? Why not give it a try on your own? You may be pleasantly surprised by how much fun you have.

Cheers!
Penelope

All Dressed Up with Someplace to Go

2011-08-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

I'm still working on defining exactly what it will take to make this life worth living, but I wanted to share some progress I've made this week. The first big thing is that my friend, DM, and I went out for a wonderful dinner at Valentino restaurant last night. It was a fantastic evening! The food and service were both extraordinary and we had a long leisurely meal together with plenty of wine and good conversation. Ordinarily, I'm happy I live in Los Angeles where most of the best restaurants allow fairly casual dress, but last night we both chose to dress for dinner and it made the evening even more special. I can't afford to eat in restaurants of this caliber as often as I would like, but doing so from time to time makes for a well-deserved treat. One of the very best things about this dinner is that dining at Valentino has been on my list of things to do before I die for several years! I love getting to check something off. In fact, maybe I should explore doing more things from my list as another entry.

The other thing I've chosen to do is take myself out for dinner on Saturday night--ALONE. I find myself in a situation where most of my friends are busy Saturday nights and I am often on my own. Rather than sit home, I've decided I should get out and live a bit. I'm comfortable traveling on my own and frequently go out for breakfast or lunch by myself, but dinner is a bit harder. I am hoping I can learn to enjoy dining on my own so that I have more options and am not dependent upon other people if I want to enjoy an evening out. There is, of course, a chance this will backfire and I'll end up feeling like a loser so wish me luck! I'll let you know how it goes!

Cheers!
Penelope

Rock Bottom

2011-08-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

"And that was it. Right there. Right there. That was the moment. I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine...and I'd finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs." -Bridget Jones

I've heard that in order to change, one must first hit rock bottom. I believe I've finally done just that. If not bottom (and God, I hope it was) I certainly reached a new low last week when I found myself begging an anti-social (or possibly just schizoid) guy I really, honestly, barely know to spend more time with me. Sure, I'd had a few drinks, but that really doesn't detract from the humiliation in any way. Low point. Nothing against him, of course. In spite of his obvious personality disorder (and the fact that he now eyes me with suspicion, clearly fearing I will, at any moment, burst into hysterical tears and accuse him of being a crap friend), he's actually quite lovely. The real question is how was I reduced to this absurd behavior? Where did my life go? Where did I go wrong? How had I become needy? Because the bottom line is that's what I was. How did I end up here? And, more importantly, could it be fixed? Could I make a life worth living? Because quite simply put, this one isn't. I started this blog in hope of improving my life. As you can see from the lack of posting for over a year, follow through is not my strong point. Which could explain a lot really. I will say that I have made some tremendous strides in several areas since I last posted. I have lost approximately 50 lbs. I moved house and, in so doing, got rid of tremendous amounts of clutter. I have a roommate now (the aforementioned anti-social personality) which forces me to stay on top of cleaning. I have cultivated a much larger social circle and socialize frequently. I finished grad school and have made some progress (though slow-going) on the career path as well.

And yet, here I am. The problems may not be the same, but the situation is. This life isn't quite enough for me. The Bridget Jones quote above strikes a chord for me because it is entirely true of my life. My major relationship is with a bottle of wine and I am very likely to die fat and alone...unless something changes. And what if it doesn't? I've lost weight. I work out every day so it is likely I will lose more, but that doesn't mean I won't still be alone. I know plenty of thin people who are single. As much as I believe social engagement is important, and feel lucky to have some very good friends, at the end of the day I have to take responsibility for my own happiness. Which begs the question--can happiness be cultivated or does it just happen? My experience tells me happiness often just happens, but it can also be cultivated. So, I've decided I need to start cultivating. I need to work on staying in the moment more. Make sure I make each day count. Make sure I do at least one thing each day just for pleasure. My hope is that I can cultivate a life worth living. So, I'm starting this blog again as a way to track my progress and explore the nature of change, what works and what doesn't. And I'm giving myself a specific time frame--one year. Three hundred and sixty-five days to get a life. Wish me luck. I'm quite certain I'm going to need it. And if you've made changes in your life, I'd love to hear your story.

Cheers!
Penelope

The Upside of Down

2009-02-27T14:00:00.000-08:00

As promised, I'm checking in on Friday to report on my progress or lack thereof for the past week. Here goes.

I was crazy busy this week and didn't spend much time organizing or cleaning--so no good news on that front. The Accidental Diet, on the other hand, does seem to be back on track. I've lost three pounds! There is a chance that this is actually a Depression Diet (hence the upside of down) since the current economic crisis is really starting to get to me as the possibility of layoffs seems more and more real. The fact that I've lost most interest in food is a fairly decent side-effect. Not only can not eating help me lose weight, but it saves money too! A win-win! Also, paralyzing fear over my future employment means I'm watching my spending across the board. It is amazing how frugal you can be when you are terrified.

Until next time!
Penelope

Ummm, yeah, so I'm, uh, really making progress now.

2009-02-20T14:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, maybe not so much. It's been a long time since my last post. Too long, I know. What can I say? The holidays happened and then I became insanely busy and stressed and I just haven't done a thing. Story of my life really. Seriously. It seems that every time I think I'm getting on track with say exercising, healthy eating, building up my savings, keeping my apartment clean, etc. life happens and I get completely derailed! I may go to the gym for three weeks straight and then I will go on vacation, get sick, have a paper to write...you get the picture...and my routine goes right out the window. It is so frustrating. It isn't as though I'm setting unrealistic goals here, so there must be something about me that is just too random and undisciplined to keep life from devolving into chaos.

So as far as status updates go...well, I've managed to gain back six of the ten pounds l lost on the Accidental Diet. Only four came over the holidays, which wasn't bad really. The other two have come in the last week during which I've been eating Hot Cheetos like there's no tomorrow. Seriously, when the Apocalypse comes I expect to be hunkered down with a crate of Hot Cheetos and a few cases of Wild Turkey, but I digress... the point is that's me--Stress Eater. Depression kills my appetite, but stress? Bring on the Ben and Jerry's!

At least I made some great progress on the apartment in early January. Sadly, that has been stalled for about six weeks now while work, school, etc. have been kicking my ass. At least I'm getting close though.

My goal for now? Structure my life better and stick to a routine. Step 1: Update this blog with my progress next week!

Accidental Diet

2008-11-20T21:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks like I've failed miserably so far to keep on top of updating this blog. What can I say? I honestly haven't had the motivation. Which I know is a lame of excuse since the blog itself is supposed to be a source of motivation and support. I've been slammed by work, school, etc. and just haven't felt I had anything clever or helpful to say. I want this blog to be useful to those of you who take the time to read it. On the other hand, in order for it to be really useful for me I have to be more diligent about updating. I suppose I could try the diary style update a la Bridget Jones....it certainly wouldn't be nearly as entertaining as Ms. Jones' Diary, but it would help keep me on track and connected.

As far as progress goes, I have made a little. The fact that I'm trying to save money by brown bagging coupled with being too busy to eat has lead to what I'm calling the "Accidental Diet." Because I need to save both time and money I'm eating a lot of baked potatoes and peanut butter sandwiches. I'm supplementing with baby carrots, apples, bananas and raw almonds. Since my roommate moved out, there are few snack foods in the house, so basically my eating habits have improved with very little effort from me, mostly by "accident." This new diet has lead to some good initial results and I've decided to get serious about working out again to compliment the reduced calorie intake. The workout schedule has been full of false starts and a real lack of commitment, but I'm feeling much more motivated now. Especially because I've lost 10 lbs. without really trying or feeling that I've given up anything. Besides brown-bagging lunches and not bringing a lot of snack foods into the house, I've gone against conventional wisdom which says don't eat late at night. In the past, I'd eat dinner before class, but then be hungry again when I got home somewhere between 9:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. Then I'd end up snacking on junk. Now I don't really have junk in the house. I eat some almonds or an apple before class and have dinner when I get home. I'm up for a few hours anyway, so this works for me. As I said, it goes against conventional wisdom, but who likes conventional anyway?

My weight loss also seems like good example of how the Paradoxical Theory of Change http://www.gestalt.org/arnie.htm works. Once I stopped trying to change, change happened. I recently became aware of the critical thoughts I frequently had such as "I really need to lose weight" "I've got to lose weight, " etc. These thoughts drained away my energy and made me feel ashamed. They certainly didn't help me to lose weight. Once I became aware of them, I was able to stop them and stop the energy drain. I'm sure this has also contributed to the success so far of the Accidental Diet.

On the apartment front I've honestly just been maintaining the status quo for a while and not making a lot of progress in overall organization. That's about to change. I have the Thanksgiving holiday weekend coming up and I fully intend to dedicate it to deep cleaning and organizing the apartment. This is going to be a big push not only so that I can head into the New Year with things in shape, but also because I plan on doing more entertaining, starting next month so the place needs to be in shape.

With the end of 2008 looming, I feel I really want to make a big push to start 2009 on the right foot. I'll be updating over the long weekend to let you know how progress with the apartment goes. And I'll also begin weekly weigh-ins and report back the results--yikes!

p.s. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I have much to be thankful for this year as I've had some amazing trips, great times with friends and family, fantastic meals and spectacular wines!

Spinning My Wheels

2008-10-05T18:57:00.000-07:00

WTF? It seems like lately for every tiny bit of progress I make in one area, things go straight to hell in another. It would be great if I could report that I had a handle on at least one aspect of my life, but sadly I cannot. I am feeling extremely frustrated this week. I'm sure the financial chaos the country is facing right now is not helping since it could directly affect not only my savings, but my compensation as well. I'm just not certain that is the only thing bothering me. I basically feel like each and every day is a colossal struggle for me. I struggle to keep my apartment from lapsing into utter chaos, to perform at work and school, to eat healthy foods, to get some sort of exercise, to keep my head above water financially (something that hasn't been a problem for me for several years). There is just not enough time in the day to deal with everything so corners must be cut which results in going backward instead of forward. I just can't seem to keep all of my plates spinning. I made progress cleaning and organizing my office this week which felt great. My apartment, on the other hand, seems to have spiraled out of control. The problem right now isn't just clutter, the place is actually a mess which is extremely anxiety provoking for me and yet, I cannot seem to motivate to clean. I've also been eating way too much fast food and other garbage the past few days as I haven't felt like cooking (which I normally really enjoy.) I feel overwhelmed.

I am now going to force myself to clean my entry way. I've been piling crap there all week so it now takes some serious navigation to actually enter my apartment. I am hoping that clearing the path will not only reduce my anxiety, but also motivate me to do more. At the very least I won't trip and kill myself. I suppose this would be progress. Wish me luck!

Progressing Slowly

2008-09-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

It has been a few months now since I started this blog and I must admit I haven't posted as often as I would like and I haven't made as much progress in getting a life as I would have liked either. I haven't had any big recent successes to report, but I believe I should be blogging regardless. The point is to chart my progress (the ups and the downs), solicit your feedback and hopefully give you some inspiration as well. I have made many great strides in getting rid of clutter and creating a peaceful and nurturing home environment, but I'm not there yet.

I was able to get rid of a ton of stuff at my yard sale a few weeks ago. All the big items were sold and I was able to pack up the few remaining items in my car and haul them immediately to Goodwill. It was a great feeling to be free of these unwanted and unneeded items! Plus, I like to think someone who truly wants or needs them will now have them. I haven't accomplished any big projects since then. While it is true that I am extremely busy, I need to make the time to care for myself so that I can maintain my busy schedule and be there for my clients. Caring for my home is an extension of this self-care and so must be a priority.

One thing I've realized is that I need to do enough work throughout the week, even if it is only ten or fifteen minutes per night, so that I can afford to spend some of my Saturday and Sunday afternoons cheering on my favorite teams now that football season has started. With my work, school and clients, I know I need the down time to recharge. Doing a few minutes every night helps me to keep on top of things so that they don't pile up, becoming a more daunting task and sucking my energy. One area I have had good success in is keeping up with the dishes. Now that my roommate has moved out and I'm just one person, it is easier than ever to wash up the few dishes I use every night. It takes barely any time and I'm rewarded with a clean kitchen without spending a ton of time or energy.

I have also been better at keeping up with mail, especially junk mail. I try to sort it daily, sending most to the recycle bin as it comes in and shredding things with sensitive information on the weekends. The one area of major downfall is magazines. I love magazines and have several subscriptions. Unfortunately, I don't really have the time to keep up with reading them and they are now contributing to the clutter. I plan on reducing my subscriptions as they expires, renewing only a few of my favorites. I am also going to try putting a time limit on myself. If I haven't read the magazine within two weeks, I will pass it along to friends.

Despite the changes I'm making and the work done so far, my apartment still has a long way to go. Sometimes it can be discouraging as I just can't seem to get everything done. And there are times when I really just don't feel like doing anything. It can be a struggle, but I know from the success I've had so far that it is worth it to keep going. With every unnecessary item I've donated or tossed, with every closet, drawer or cupboard organized, I feel an increased sense of peace. Even if we can't see it because it is in a closet or cupboard, we cannot help being aware of the clutter in our lives. It causes stress and robs us of energy. So, I will continue on with the struggle. I'm sure there will be many ups and downs. And you'll hear about all of them here.

Step 2: Simplicity and the Art of Living Well

2008-08-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

Life has a way of teaching us lessons. Usually this occurs in the school of hard knocks, kick you when you're down style we've all come to know and love. Every once in a while our lesson shows up in the form of something wonderful though. That's what happened to me the other day. A friend and I decided on the spur of the moment to have lunch at our favorite restaurant, Craft, for no special reason at all--which is really the very best reason to treat yourself! One of the things we love most about Craft is the simplicity and quality of the food. Great ingredients do not need to be drowned in sauces, spices or dressings to shine. While enjoying our luscious diver scallops, Cobb salad and hen of the woods mushrooms, we talked about how much we preferred this type of food to virtually anything else around. Craft is not an everyday kind of restaurant (unless you are a lottery winner or Hollywood mogul--either of which I am quite willing to become, btw). It is pricey. We both agreed that we'd rather brown bag it most days instead of eating out at inexpensive and mediocre places and put the money saved toward the occasional Craft splurge. Quality over quantity is something you hear all the time, but I don't think it is a concept most Americans embrace. In America, more and bigger is always better. I've been guilty of this myself. In college I wanted to drink as much as possible so Black Label beer was great. Now that I've developed a more sophisticated palate (and have less tolerance for hangovers) I would really rather enjoy a couple of Fat Tires. I'd rather have one perfect artisanal truffle than an entire bar of cheap chocolate. Sometimes less really is more!

As I've been removing clutter from my home, I am convinced this concept applies there too. Clearly it is necessary to be ruthless whenever you make a purchase so that you end up with quality items you truly love and use rather than closets full of crap you wish you had never bought. We live in a disposable culture where most things seem poorly constructed, meant to be replaced rather than repaired. I think this is a shame considering our landfills are already overburdened. When I started shopping for furniture last year, many people thought I was crazy to spend as much as I did. I wanted something that would last though. I wanted furniture made from actual wood, not particle board. I will have this furniture for years to come and I am really glad that I took the extra time and money to find the quality pieces I wanted. Similarly, I've always heard that French women have fewer, but higher quality clothes. Realizing that I wear only about 10% of the clothes I own on a regular basis, I see that this concept can work. If you are wearing the same clothes over and over (and you know you are) consider why this is. Probably because these pieces are the most comfortable and look the best on you. So why not buy just a few really great pieces instead of several so-so items? Remember also that the cheapest thing is not always the best value. If it isn't made to last, odds are you will spend more replacing it than you would have on a higher quality product in the first place.

The lesson for me is that by concentrating on quality in our lives (that goes for quality people too, btw!) we can live well without necessarily spending a lot more over time. Quality food choices will make us healthier over all. Quality purchases will make our homes attractive and comfortable without adding to our clutter or our landfills. Quality people will make our lives richer without added chaos.

Feng Shui Update

2008-07-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

I continued to de-clutter over the 4th of July weekend and things are going very well. The work was a little slower as I got into more detailed work such as weeding files. I plan to tackle the two hall closets tomorrow in preparation for a yard sale next weekend. Whatever doesn't sell will be taken immediately to Goodwill. My roommate will be moving at the end of the month so I'll be working on fixing up the new "guest room" once his stuff is out. I have admit that even though I still have a long way to go, I do feel a certain lightness and easiness now that my room is less cluttered. Maybe the energy really is flowing better, or maybe the decrease in chaos just has a calming effect. Either way, I believe this is going to make a difference in my life. I got rid of several more "blue widgets" this weekend and, in doing so, realized I had held on to many of them far too long. The emotional attachments that once made me keep these items just weren't there any more. I experienced the actual feeling that these items had become burdens to me--filling up space and weighing me down. What a relief to finally let them go! Do you have things in your home that are not useful or beautiful? Things you just don't love or need? Think about how these items are taking up space and requiring cleaning or other upkeep. Is the energy wasted keeping them around really worth it? What would happen if you decided to let go?

Billboard Wisdom

2008-07-02T15:56:00.000-07:00

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
-- Henry David Thoreau

I saw a billboard for Bacardi today which read “Live Like You Mean It.” This really struck a chord with me and not just because I enjoy a good Mojito. I started this blog specifically because I want to start living deliberately, to work actively toward creating a life. With the exception of a few major decisions, I am guilty of just allowing life to happen to me rather than being an active participant. I can’t say I’m happy with the results. I realize there are many things beyond our control, but so much of where we end up depends upon the choices we make. Living without intention has led me to a place in life I don’t really want to be with no real idea of how I even got here. It’s like that feeling you get when you’re young and drinking all night with your friends seems like a good idea. You wake up the next day and think to yourself, “How the hell did I get here?” Sure you had a good time (you think), but you feel like hell and you seem to have spent all your money. You may even be in the wrong house. I feel just like that only on a larger scale. I woke up and realized I was in the wrong life! So I've decide I will live deliberately, with intention, “like I mean it.” Because when my time comes, I want to look back and KNOW that I really lived.

STEP 1: CREATE A NURTURNING ENVIRONMENT. In other words, get up off your ass and clean house!

2008-07-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.”

--William Morris

I’ve decided to begin my quest for a life by cleaning, organizing and decorating my apartment so I can enter without tripping over anything, relax when I’m there and even actually invite people over from time to time without feeling embarrassed. I’ve been looking into the practice of Feng Shui and it seems I’ve violated pretty much all of the principles. Perhaps this explains my life. Even though I have no intention of hanging wind chimes in my apartment for any reason, having a clean, organized home makes practical sense to me. Chaos in my surroundings is anxiety provoking. I am an admitted germaphobe, but I am not a neat freak. A certain amount of clutter is fine with me. At some point, however, my apartment has crossed over into the chaos zone. Since I’m rarely home—work, school, internship, volunteering, rare social engagements—I’m surprised by how insanely disorganized my apt. has become. On the other hand, since I'm so busy, when I am home I barely have time to do laundry and clean the bathrooms, let alone anything else. Plus, when given the choice between cleaning and sitting on my ass, I'm likely to choose sitting on my ass. Wouldn't you?

I began clearing out the clutter last weekend and am hoping to make even more progress this weekend. Once my roommate moves out, I’ll have extra storage space as well so by the first week of August, my apt. should be thoroughly clean and organized. As you can see from this "before" picture, I've mostly been using my bedroom as a storage unit. A rather poorly maintained and disorganized storage unit.

I have a tendency to keep things just because they were a gift, or I think perhaps someday I will have a use for them. The emotional connection to objects is one of the biggest road blocks to getting rid of clutter. If Aunt Tootie gives me a blue widget, I will feel guilty getting rid of it even if I hate blue widgets and have no use for them. I realize now that if I don’t really love or use the item, then it really is just part of the chaos. If I give it to Goodwill there is a chance someone who really needs or wants it will find it there. This idea has freed me from feeling guilty about letting go of many blue widgets. And I think Aunt Tootie would really rather the widget were put to good use by someone else rather than collecting dust in a corner of my apt.

I also have quite a bit of sentimental stuff from my EX that I’m not yet ready to part with. I packed the majority of it into a storage bin after our break-up. This time around I was a little more ruthless and I was able to actually throw out a few things I knew I would never need and that wouldn’t be useful as Goodwill donations. I had a few pangs, but in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do. I’m sure as time goes by, I’ll be able to get rid of most of the stuff in the bin. I may not be entirely over the relationship yet, but I am aware that it is impossible to embrace the future if you continue to cling to the past. It is time to move on.

After a weekend spent sorting and organizing, I took the photo below. Not yet perfect, but a great improvement. Phase two happens this weekend and I will report back on the results. Wish me luck!

Penelope

Getting a Life!

2008-06-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

Well it has finally come to this. My life has become such a mess that I’ve finally decided to do something about it. Oh sure I’ve said it before. Usually around January 1st; usually in an alcoholic haze. I, like everyone else , have made the same promises year after year: lose weight, pay off debt, organize home, save money, read Proust, get to work on time, find better job, quit smoking (I don’t actually smoke, but since this is a perennial favorite of so many of you, I include it here). You get the picture--we all want to be better people, but actually doing it? That’s hard. Who has the time? Who has the energy? Well desperate times call for desperate measures and right now I am nothing if not desperate. I always envisioned the kind of life I would lead, the job I would have when I finally decided what I wanted to be when I grew up, the charming and wonderful Mr. Right, the lovely home…and yet here I am a few months past a birthday ending with a zero and it seems I really haven’t made any progress in any of these areas. Overweight? Check. In debt? Check. Hating job? Check. Spinster? Check. Apartment in chaos? Check.
So, I’ve decided to embark upon a journey of change, because in the back of my mind, I always thought that if I ever really gave it a shot, I could actually be better. I just always thought eventually, when I grew up (like that’s ever going to happen), I’d not only figure out what I want to do with my life, but I’d finally get my shit together too. So I’ve decided I either need to actually do something to create a life I can live with (dare I say, actually be happy with?) or I need to just accept what is and stop bitching and moaning. Since I rather enjoy bitching and moaning and would really rather have a proper life, I’m going to try getting one. You, Dear Readers, are invited to join me on this quest. You can help me out by keeping me honest and I can help you out by inspiring you to get a life too. If I can do it, anyone can. Of course if I can’t, well, you’re probably screwed too.