Spinning My Wheels

WTF? It seems like lately for every tiny bit of progress I make in one area, things go straight to hell in another. It would be great if I could report that I had a handle on at least one aspect of my life, but sadly I cannot. I am feeling extremely frustrated this week. I'm sure the financial chaos the country is facing right now is not helping since it could directly affect not only my savings, but my compensation as well. I'm just not certain that is the only thing bothering me. I basically feel like each and every day is a colossal struggle for me. I struggle to keep my apartment from lapsing into utter chaos, to perform at work and school, to eat healthy foods, to get some sort of exercise, to keep my head above water financially (something that hasn't been a problem for me for several years). There is just not enough time in the day to deal with everything so corners must be cut which results in going backward instead of forward. I just can't seem to keep all of my plates spinning. I made progress cleaning and organizing my office this week which felt great. My apartment, on the other hand, seems to have spiraled out of control. The problem right now isn't just clutter, the place is actually a mess which is extremely anxiety provoking for me and yet, I cannot seem to motivate to clean. I've also been eating way too much fast food and other garbage the past few days as I haven't felt like cooking (which I normally really enjoy.) I feel overwhelmed.

I am now going to force myself to clean my entry way. I've been piling crap there all week so it now takes some serious navigation to actually enter my apartment. I am hoping that clearing the path will not only reduce my anxiety, but also motivate me to do more. At the very least I won't trip and kill myself. I suppose this would be progress. Wish me luck!

Progressing Slowly

It has been a few months now since I started this blog and I must admit I haven't posted as often as I would like and I haven't made as much progress in getting a life as I would have liked either. I haven't had any big recent successes to report, but I believe I should be blogging regardless. The point is to chart my progress (the ups and the downs), solicit your feedback and hopefully give you some inspiration as well. I have made many great strides in getting rid of clutter and creating a peaceful and nurturing home environment, but I'm not there yet.

I was able to get rid of a ton of stuff at my yard sale a few weeks ago. All the big items were sold and I was able to pack up the few remaining items in my car and haul them immediately to Goodwill. It was a great feeling to be free of these unwanted and unneeded items! Plus, I like to think someone who truly wants or needs them will now have them. I haven't accomplished any big projects since then. While it is true that I am extremely busy, I need to make the time to care for myself so that I can maintain my busy schedule and be there for my clients. Caring for my home is an extension of this self-care and so must be a priority.

One thing I've realized is that I need to do enough work throughout the week, even if it is only ten or fifteen minutes per night, so that I can afford to spend some of my Saturday and Sunday afternoons cheering on my favorite teams now that football season has started. With my work, school and clients, I know I need the down time to recharge. Doing a few minutes every night helps me to keep on top of things so that they don't pile up, becoming a more daunting task and sucking my energy. One area I have had good success in is keeping up with the dishes. Now that my roommate has moved out and I'm just one person, it is easier than ever to wash up the few dishes I use every night. It takes barely any time and I'm rewarded with a clean kitchen without spending a ton of time or energy.

I have also been better at keeping up with mail, especially junk mail. I try to sort it daily, sending most to the recycle bin as it comes in and shredding things with sensitive information on the weekends. The one area of major downfall is magazines. I love magazines and have several subscriptions. Unfortunately, I don't really have the time to keep up with reading them and they are now contributing to the clutter. I plan on reducing my subscriptions as they expires, renewing only a few of my favorites. I am also going to try putting a time limit on myself. If I haven't read the magazine within two weeks, I will pass it along to friends.

Despite the changes I'm making and the work done so far, my apartment still has a long way to go. Sometimes it can be discouraging as I just can't seem to get everything done. And there are times when I really just don't feel like doing anything. It can be a struggle, but I know from the success I've had so far that it is worth it to keep going. With every unnecessary item I've donated or tossed, with every closet, drawer or cupboard organized, I feel an increased sense of peace. Even if we can't see it because it is in a closet or cupboard, we cannot help being aware of the clutter in our lives. It causes stress and robs us of energy. So, I will continue on with the struggle. I'm sure there will be many ups and downs. And you'll hear about all of them here.

Feng Shui Update

I continued to de-clutter over the 4th of July weekend and things are going very well. The work was a little slower as I got into more detailed work such as weeding files. I plan to tackle the two hall closets tomorrow in preparation for a yard sale next weekend. Whatever doesn't sell will be taken immediately to Goodwill. My roommate will be moving at the end of the month so I'll be working on fixing up the new "guest room" once his stuff is out. I have admit that even though I still have a long way to go, I do feel a certain lightness and easiness now that my room is less cluttered. Maybe the energy really is flowing better, or maybe the decrease in chaos just has a calming effect. Either way, I believe this is going to make a difference in my life. I got rid of several more "blue widgets" this weekend and, in doing so, realized I had held on to many of them far too long. The emotional attachments that once made me keep these items just weren't there any more. I experienced the actual feeling that these items had become burdens to me--filling up space and weighing me down. What a relief to finally let them go! Do you have things in your home that are not useful or beautiful? Things you just don't love or need? Think about how these items are taking up space and requiring cleaning or other upkeep. Is the energy wasted keeping them around really worth it? What would happen if you decided to let go?

STEP 1: CREATE A NURTURNING ENVIRONMENT. In other words, get up off your ass and clean house!

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.”

--William Morris

I’ve decided to begin my quest for a life by cleaning, organizing and decorating my apartment so I can enter without tripping over anything, relax when I’m there and even actually invite people over from time to time without feeling embarrassed. I’ve been looking into the practice of Feng Shui and it seems I’ve violated pretty much all of the principles. Perhaps this explains my life. Even though I have no intention of hanging wind chimes in my apartment for any reason, having a clean, organized home makes practical sense to me. Chaos in my surroundings is anxiety provoking. I am an admitted germaphobe, but I am not a neat freak. A certain amount of clutter is fine with me. At some point, however, my apartment has crossed over into the chaos zone. Since I’m rarely home—work, school, internship, volunteering, rare social engagements—I’m surprised by how insanely disorganized my apt. has become. On the other hand, since I'm so busy, when I am home I barely have time to do laundry and clean the bathrooms, let alone anything else. Plus, when given the choice between cleaning and sitting on my ass, I'm likely to choose sitting on my ass. Wouldn't you?

I began clearing out the clutter last weekend and am hoping to make even more progress this weekend. Once my roommate moves out, I’ll have extra storage space as well so by the first week of August, my apt. should be thoroughly clean and organized. As you can see from this "before" picture, I've mostly been using my bedroom as a storage unit. A rather poorly maintained and disorganized storage unit.

I have a tendency to keep things just because they were a gift, or I think perhaps someday I will have a use for them. The emotional connection to objects is one of the biggest road blocks to getting rid of clutter. If Aunt Tootie gives me a blue widget, I will feel guilty getting rid of it even if I hate blue widgets and have no use for them. I realize now that if I don’t really love or use the item, then it really is just part of the chaos. If I give it to Goodwill there is a chance someone who really needs or wants it will find it there. This idea has freed me from feeling guilty about letting go of many blue widgets. And I think Aunt Tootie would really rather the widget were put to good use by someone else rather than collecting dust in a corner of my apt.

I also have quite a bit of sentimental stuff from my EX that I’m not yet ready to part with. I packed the majority of it into a storage bin after our break-up. This time around I was a little more ruthless and I was able to actually throw out a few things I knew I would never need and that wouldn’t be useful as Goodwill donations. I had a few pangs, but in my heart I knew it was the right thing to do. I’m sure as time goes by, I’ll be able to get rid of most of the stuff in the bin. I may not be entirely over the relationship yet, but I am aware that it is impossible to embrace the future if you continue to cling to the past. It is time to move on.

After a weekend spent sorting and organizing, I took the photo below. Not yet perfect, but a great improvement. Phase two happens this weekend and I will report back on the results. Wish me luck!

Penelope